Talk to Psychiatry on Feeling Worthless And Suicidal

I have been rejected multiple times in life for marriage proposals in the past many years , i think i am very dumb i hate looking in the mirror and i am not up-to the standards of society that is why get rejected every time, now i feel worthless and sometimes feel suicidal too , please dont give me an advice of sharing problem with family or friends , family does not understand mental health issues and friends i dont have any , now most of them are married and too busy with their married lives … sometimes i take Alp 0.25 mg and it actually relieves some tension but then again same situation starts, i want to go to some psychiatrist for regular visits but i cant because my family doesn’t consider mental health as any important thing, i am suffering alot i dont feel like doing anything i feel lethargic and sleepy , someone please suggest me what to do